when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
