there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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