I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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