My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
