just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
