Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
