just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
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