Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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