im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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