Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
