I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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