I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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