so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
