no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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