on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
