i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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