I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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