omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
You ruined the universe
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
