I CAN MOONWALK!
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
The uberlube is also flammable
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
