It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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