Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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