I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
