i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
