he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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