3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Randomize
