She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
