She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Randomize
