Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
4 words: hood of his car
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
