i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
