just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
