you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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