I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
