i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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