hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
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