its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Randomize
