oh god the rape fog is back!
Come see our sink grown plant.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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