I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
