It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
