Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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