God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
