I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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