Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Randomize
