Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Sorry my hands just texted you
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
