This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Every concussion has its silver lining
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
