Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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