His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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