I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
