I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
