Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Randomize
