I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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