She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
