I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
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