I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
