a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Randomize
