Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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