can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
No subtext here. People are naked.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
