cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
