He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
